Black Friday Madness

Last night I headed out to our local tiny Wal-mart to take on a little Christmas shopping. I thought this would be such a simple venture, as we are a tiny, tiny Wal-mart in a little town, so I could easily pop in there and pick up my discount kids underwear and jammies and be done. I left my house at a quarter to ten and figured I'd be home around 10:30.

I now realize what a crazy idea that was, but I went last year in the early morning hours and it went pretty smooth. As I pulled up to Wal-mart, and I couldn't find a place to park, I should have known something was up. I didn't mind parking in the farthest corner of the lot because I figured it might balance the Thanksgiving revelry I enjoyed. I skipped into the store, and instantly realized something was off. I couldn't find a single one of the Walmart Discount City hand-me-down carts that normally proliferate our store. I nabbed one basket and set out with my list. I wiggled and shimmied through hordes of people picking out my wares.

Eventually, I found an abandoned cart, which may have been a curse as it made it much more difficult to maneuver the crowds. At one point, I attempted to cut through women's clothing to get around the huddled masses of humanity in the store aisles. This was a brilliant idea, but I ended up getting pinned between a large crowd of people and sale items that skirted the women's section. I had only one option, and sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I picked up my cart, stepped over the stacks of goods that had me trapped and joined the masses in the aisles.

I was overcome by panic, at one point, when I headed to the baby aisles and found it taped off and lines of people waiting. Were diapers being rationed? What was I to do? Luckily, I stumbled into a Wii line that circulated the store and I was able to nab some diapers quickly and move out of there.

I was hoping that if I kept shopping for a minute or two more, the check out lines would dissipate, and I could escape the madness. So I headed over to toys, and ending up buying the big kids each a $12 dollar pogo stick. I figured only one impulse purchase on a Black Friday outing was pretty good. Besides, I'd worked so hard to get that cart, that it would be a shame to not fill it up.

As I headed over to check out, a lovely Wal-mart worker almost sent me to the midnight line, but after a small protest and a quick check in the sale flier, I got to head to the lines that were forming by the dressing room for checkout. By this point, I had completely remembered that I"m not a fan of large crowds of people, that entrap me and prevent me from moving freely. Growing up in small town America, this has been an experience that I've only known a few times in my life. My chest was squeezing in on me, and I had to remember to take deep breaths so that I didn't get dizzy and pass out. I'm pretty sure the store music, started playing Hotel California, and I was beginning to worry that I might not make it out. I wanted to bolt, but I'd come so far that I had to stay the course. I scanned frantically for the cold, adult beverage cart and the valium man to come to my aid, but it never appeared. Don't worry, I will be visiting with the manager :)

Anyways, eventually I got to the check out line, and when Rio rang up for the wrong price, I happily opened the flier and argued my way to the correct price. I stepped out into the cool, night air and began to breathe again. I think it may have been worth it, but I will be thinking extra hard before heading out to the little, crazy Wal-mart next year.